I used to have a very unkind voice in my head that liked to comment on nearly everything I did, every experience I had. She spoke to me in ways that were often devastating, that broke me down and made me feel like I would never be good enough at anything.
In practice, we call this the inner critic. Some have a more ferocious one than others, but there are ways of working with it and even embracing it.
Something that can be helpful for some people, is to give your inner critic a name, or create a character for it. This can give you a solid way or relating as you work to understand where this critic might be coming from. You can make it funny or silly if you like, encouraging yourself not to take it so seriously. For me, what worked best, was to relate to this voice as my young self. As I began to work with her in this way, I could see all the hurt and fear behind every critical thing she said to me. I could sense all the false messages that she had absorbed from the people (and culture) around her. These things she said were not even things she really believed. As my understanding grew, I was able to bring compassion to her. To let her know that I was sorry someone had made her feel that way. It didn’t take very long of offering her my genuine love and care before she changed. She is just as likely to offer me encouragement and root me on as she is to criticize me out of fear these days.
It is so important to become aware of and adjust the way we treat ourselves internally. How we speak to ourselves creates a tone, a mood and that permeates our lives, our relationships with others. It colors the way we see the world. It hardens into action. It becomes our reality.
You deserve kindness. That kindness must come first from yourself. Others can inspire you, remind you, show you the way back to your own heart. Compassion is part of your true nature. It often get covered over with bad conditioning but it is there. Waiting for you. Longing for you. Loving you.
Wholeheartedly,
Kim
If you would like to explore self compassion further, I highly recommend checking out the work of Kristin Neff.