Opening and Letting Go

Not so hidden within each full cycle of breath, is an example of how to open and how to let go. The breath can teach us how to be receptive, to take in nourishment.

Letting go is a natural process, automatic even but we so often struggle against it. The breath can remind us that letting go is a part of our nature, and the very fabric of the world.

The relationship between in inhale and the exhale is a beautiful example if we choose to see it. We breath in oxygen which fuels and sustains us, we breath out that which has been used up in the exchange, that which no longer nourishes us. We do this again and again.

In mindfulness practice, we hope to learn to let go with the same grace as the breath. Noticing the habits and patterns of the mind and letting them go without getting tangled in the story. We notice and let go. again and again.

We must also in our practice, learn to take in the good, what nourishes and sustains us. For so long in my practice, I was focused on being able to be with my suffering. That is a Nobel cause for sure and was so needed, but so is happiness. I try to spend equal time in my practice now tending the hurt places, letting go of what holds me back, AND taking in the good, feeling the mystery and joy of this human life.

Wholeheartedly,

Kim

Just for now by Dana Foulds

Just for now, without asking how, let yourself sink into stillness.

Just for now, lay down the

weight you so patiently

bear upon your shoulders.

Feel the earth receive

you, and the infinite

expanse of sky grow even

wider as your awareness

reaches up to meet it.

Just for now, allow a wave of breath to enliven your experience.

Breathe out

whatever blocks you from

the truth. Just for now, be

boundless, free, awakened

energy tingling in your

hands and feet. Drink in

the possibility of being

who and what you really are

so fully alive that when you

open your eyes the world

looks different, newly born

and vibrant, just for now.

Drawing the Senses Inward

The senses are powerful. They dominate how we experience the world. When the senses are not held in awareness, they pull us from one distraction to the next, so quickly that we hardly have space to feel anything, to be with anything.

The senses held in awareness have a sweetness, a poetry to them. Drawing that deep way of being into our own internal landscape, listening in a multi-sensory way to what is really alive in our bodies, minds, and hearts can be a revelation. We can hold whatever we find with real tenderness and care. The truth is that nothing can heal the way your own kindness and love can. We have access to that deep self care when we bring all of ourself into our own inner space. When we make space for our thoughts and feelings to be just as they are.

It can be helpful to open to the energy of thought and emotion, instead of focusing on the particulars. It can be a great, deep practice to work with the particulars but it can also be beneficial to let the experience wash over you. To feel the movement as energy in your system. This can help you create the space between what arises and the stories you inevitably tell about it. We begin to see how even those stories have an energy, a tone, a mood. We begin to hold them lightly. To be less quick to accept the stories as truth. The information we get from sensing in this way is real and valuable and can lead us to deep compassionate self care. So, listen deeply. Bring your whole self. Senses open.

Wholeheartedly,

Kim

Non judging and Non striving

Two foundational attitudes that can support our meditation practice are non judging and non striving. When the judging mind is active and unexamined, it can really get in the way of our coming into contact with our direct, present moment experience. The vehicle of the judging mind is story. That constant internal narration can pull us away from our lived experience and cause a lot of suffering.

If we engage with the arising of judgement through the lens of our mindfulness practice, we can simply notice when the judging mind is active, become aware of the stories it is telling, and not be so quick to take those stories as truth. The space that gives us is priceless.

When becoming aware of the ways we engage in striving in practice, it can be helpful to look for those places where judgement has been sparked. Looking into the places where you imagine your experience should be different can sometimes point you toward striving. When the “should” of practice is dropped, we can begin to accept things as they arise without needing them to be any particular way. When we approach our experiences with this openness and equanimity, we begin to allow ourselves to be just as we are. When we stop feeling the need to change our experience, we can sometimes access an unconditional acceptance of ourselves as well. We begin to experience ourselves as enough. We can have an experience of ourselves as whole in that space between the story of who we think we are and the present moment manifestation.

Wholeheartedly,

Kim

Metta for the Difficult Person

I have turned to Lovingkindness meditation when in conflict with someone many times over the past decade. I have used this practice when struggling with colleagues as well as difficulties with family members. This practice even supported me through a divorce, what seems like a lifetime ago.

I come back to the practice again and again, not because it changes the other person but because it changes me. Metta softens my own heart and dissolves the barriers that hurt and anger can create to connection. Metta doesn’t change actions that have been done. Metta does not always mean that a relationship will continue. For me, Metta is a bridge. When I hold someone in the light of that loving awareness, I understand them more easily. At the very least, I am reminded of our shared humanity. When my heart feels strong and open, I can often see the pain they are carrying that lead to the pain they caused me.

I want to be clear. The person you are freeing here is you. A heart that understands, hurts less. The deepest hurts of my life have been eased by this practice more than I can share. Woking with the deepest hurts, is not however where you begin. You cannot force yourself to be ready to work with someone who has really harmed you. Start slowly and gently. Not only will forcing the issue not work, but it is also unkind (not exactly what we are going for in lovingkindness practice!) My teacher says, start where the door is open. Start where the hurt is small.

If I am working with someone and I encounter a lot of resistance but I feel drawn to keep working with this person, I will often imagine them as a small child (just as we do with ourselves in practice if we are having trouble making the connection). This helps me so much as I try to sense the basic goodness in someone, the essential nature beyond the causes and conditions that lead us to where we are.

Slowly, gently, with patience and self compassion- that is how we begin to expand the field of our loving awareness to include those who are difficult for us. This is Nobel work. An act of kindness to ourselves. A service to the world.

Please enjoy this short, guided exploration as a place to begin

Wholeheartedly,

Kim

Metta and the Neutral Person

When I first began working with all the different layers of Metta practice, I chose for my Neutral person a woman who was a cashier at a grocery store in my neighborhood. I worked with this person for over a year. At first, I would avoid going through this persons line because I found myself being awkward, like I was keeping a secret from her. Over time, I came to feel a real warmth and care for this person. I would wait extra time if their line was longer, so that I could check in with them. They would light up a bit when they saw me. They started sharing information about their lives, their children. They would really tell me how their day was going, not just pleasantries. They would let me know if things were hard. They could feel my care, tell that I was really listening.

I came to love this person. Truly. This woman no longer works at the grocery store. She told me when she was going for a new job. I was so excited for her, the schedule was going to be much better for her family.

When I bring this woman to mind, even now, years later, I feel such warmth. I hope that she is well. I still send her Metta now and then but not as my neutral person. The Neutral person has a way of becoming so much more. And then you are on the hunt for the next person to fall in love with.

If you don’t find God in the next person you meet, it is a waste of time looking for him further.

Mahatma Gandhi

Wholeheartedly,

Kim

Metta for Others

Many people begin Metta practice working with a friend or loved one, instead of offering the practice to themselves as it is traditionally practiced. For many of us, our relationships with ourselves is complicated and we have so much conditioning around self-love. My teachers have always told me to begin where the love is strongest, where the door is open.

Sending Metta to those you love can really fill up your own bucket. I find in myself, that after I have offered Metta for my dear ones, I am happy and at ease in my own heart. I believe that the deep satisfaction I feel, comes from the connection of the practice. Metta reminds me how much love there is in my life. Metta shows me how connected I am to friends, family, community and this greater web of human existence, and a deep communion with all of life. Especially during these times of isolation and the lack of physical contact that we are all experiencing because of the pandemic, Metta can be a real balm to the natural grief so many are experiencing.

Enjoy this short recorded Metta practice. May you be nourished. May you feel yourself connected and loved. May you be truly happy and deeply peaceful.

Wholeheartedly,

Kim